just tell him i said nine months
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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