I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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