So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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