she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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