Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
So. Much. Porn.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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