you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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