I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
