New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
