I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
