Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
