a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
