i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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