he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
