I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
