You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
