i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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