Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
