She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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