On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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