I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
