Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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