the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
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