If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
