he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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