you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
