he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize