as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
