There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize