I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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