They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
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