Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
