How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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