soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
it was like eating out sand paper
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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