so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Randomize
