Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
