why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
the day after is always just damage control
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
