youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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