I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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