I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize