also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
