and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize
