this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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