Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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