Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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