I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
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you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
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He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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