Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
You are a genius and a whore.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
