Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
