ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
We have so much sex to catch up on
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
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