Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
