I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
