oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
