He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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