You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
