Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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