Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
