did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Slut skills are useful in every country.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
