you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
