I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
