So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
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