GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
