Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Randomize
