I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
There r osticjed everywhere
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
