so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
