did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
