i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
