i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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