those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
