I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
