my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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