if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Randomize
