so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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