Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
