she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
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