Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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