I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
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just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
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It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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