Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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